It was 10:00 PM Philippines Time, I was awaken by a very weird dream. In that dream I was speaking with Abe, Paul and Rebecca whom we fondly called Bekang. I didn’t know what we were talking about but mid-way into our conversation Bekang just vanished into thin air.

Then around 11 o’clock I got three missed calls. I didn’t answer them because I wasn’t sure who the callers were. Then I got a text message from my sister-in-law Bolet (Paul’s wife) which stated “Manong Ben, please pickup the phone, urgent…” For some reason I felt uneasy, something wasn’t right. I immediately called Bolet and got the terrible news, Bekang was dead; Serg and Abe were at the Emergency Room, they had some sort of accident. And Paul was on his way to the hospital.

Still in disbelief, I gathered my brothers and sisters to relay the bad news. We started texting and calling every family member around the world that had a phone. I called my son (Popoy) in the US; he too was in utter disbelief. He said he just spoke with his Aunt a couple of days ago. Bekang was bugging him to ask me to come over for Christmas, but our very busy schedules wouldn’t let us.

So after sorting out our prior arrangements we booked the soonest possible flight for the US. While on the plane, my mind was racing. I remembered our childhood days in Pozorrubio, me, my brothers and sisters, especially Bekang.

You see, we had a very hard life. Both of our parents had to go away to find work. While they were away it was always me and Bekang who became surrogate parents to our siblings.

Bekang was in-charge of the house; while I was in-charge of making sure we had something to eat day-to-day. During weekends she and I would go to the fields to gather dry wood as we were so poor, we couldn’t even afford to buy a bundle of twigs. And when there was no rice we’d go begging for work to any farmer who would let us gapas. (Gapas is an ilocano term for harvesting rice using a sickle). We’d cut ourselves over and over again but you won’t hear her complain. She knew we had no one to rely on except ourselves.

When all the house chores were done we’d go playing “Tatsing” with our friends. “Tatsing” is a game where you use your sandal or shoe to try to hit a tin can a couple of yards away, with the least amount of tries. Bekang never liked losing even at a very young age. If she can’t win over someone, she’ll look for somebody else to play with until she won. She was a go getter. She always knew what she wanted and never stopped until she got it.

We were a big family, but since there was barely any food to go around, we had to give our share to our younger brothers and sisters. Bekang always made sure that they would eat first before both of us did.

When I was about to go to College, Bekang begged our dad (whom we called Amang) that she too wanted to go to College. But Amang said, what is the point? Once she got married she wouldn’t be able to use her College degree anymore, her husband would just provide for her. Despite Amang’s disapproval she still had her eyes set for College.

So we made an agreement, she would finish College first then get a job and then help our brothers and sisters go to school. So after my first year, we switched places, since our family can only afford to send one kid to school. I took odd jobs to add whatever I could to our income until it was my turn to go to College.

Amang found out about our little arrangement, but understanding the wisdom behind our decision he acknowledged and said “… I may be a common person and have no riches but this I impart to both of you, be kind, be patient, be diligent, strive to do your best, and always remember to help others no matter what the circumstances are; finish college and find a job that would help you and your family…”

Those words were what we lived by and I guess that was what made my sister a success.

We may have had a couple of arguments, we may have had fights over petty things but deep down I still love her, she was my sister after all. It’s so sad that when finally I had the chance to spend Christmas with her, she had left us, such a cruel twist of life. I guess in the end she still got what she wanted.

I am Benjamin Lardizabal; I am Rebecca’s older brother and the eldest among the eight.

On behalf of our family from the Philippines and all over the world, I’d like to:

Thank you for coming.

Thank you for sharing our grief.

Thank you for expressing your love.

And thank you for seeing my sister one last time.